This world is full of indecent people who will not let you make decisions for yourself.

RIP GIZMO

I'm not insane. Everyone has their problems, I just choose to share mine here. Its not like any ones reading them.

Hi, me again..I feel great. I told off this sleese bag that i used to call my friend. I did give him the idea that I wanted to be friends with benefits but i had no idea it would tag along with me feeling like shit. Now I know I don't want that, I thought he was a sweet guy. Though he said to me, I say things I don't mean when I'm horny..after telling me how sexy I looked and how hot i was. Cool, so now I'm not hot? I confronted him and this is what he said (right off of my phone) lol, all guys say some things they don't mean when they are horny sometimes, but don't worry, i wasn't horny every time i called you sexy. haha was that all that was bothering you?)  Oh thank god not every time! I said yes. then said "tho i disagree" he said "awe have you looked at yourself  naked in the mirror lately? i'm sure your hot as ever." IM SURE. he knows what i look like. I told him this after a few hours. "okay a few things wrong with that statement. Im hot with clothes on too. Your an ass to think that all guys say things they don't mean when they are horny. Like your pretty. and i think your a tad full of yourself. Im sorry if that sucked to read but your not that nice guy i thought you were and i needed you to know that. Im not a bitch for saying that either, because its how i feel and its your choice to take offence to it. I know i asked you to be friends with benefits but now i know i will never want that" a bit harsh? probably but he hurt my feelings. I could have told him his penis is red and gross. but i didn't. I could have said a lot of hurtful things to him. But he doesn't deserve that. I have a nice guy right now and i will never let him go. He is generous and sweet. His mind isn't oriented around sex, which i appreciate even though id love to fuck him all the time. Hes sexy and wakes me up every morning with a "good morning beautiful!!" text. I love him. I will never love the other guy. It was time for a clean cut.

I miss my boys.

 Jackson, a puppie promised to me if i moved in with my dad.

 My best friend.

My brother

Prince and Jackson. My Boys.

Three days till I head to the lake with dad :) I guess I'm excited, I just hope nothing happens. This is what is what I can see happening.

Dad takes a sip of wine. 
Dad: I sure do love you.
Me: Yeah...
Dad: Do you love me back?
Me: Yup
Dad: What's wrong?
Me: You never say things like this when your sober.
Dad: What's that supposed to mean?
Me: Nothing...
Dad: *sigh*
Me: *sigh*
Dad: I'm heading to bed.

awesome.

Some drawings I have done :) 

I made a homeade perfume. I invented the recipe and it has not yet been fully finished, I used

• Ocean Breaze essential oil
• Rose essential oil 
• Organic essential oil
• Rose/other flower pedals
• Distilled water
• Vitamin E 
• Empty bottle

Next time I won't add the Lavender because the scent is too strong and I smell like a hippie. But everything else worked out great :) I think the longer it sits the better it will be because the pedals can soak. definetly shake before usage. I got the bottle at Shoppers for 3 dollars. 

I really sucks moving, I moved in with my Mom last year which was great! but I miss all my old friends. None of them really care that I'm gone. Its hurtful seeing them having fun like I was never apart of their lives. I think that's why I hate Facebook so much. The network makes you see all the fun your missing out on. I was all stoked to write, I have the music on and the candles lit, I'm relaxed but now I'm sad and have no inspiration..

I love those moments of independence that make you feel important. Everyone remembers those days in their "teenager hood" Today I am really in the cleaning mood. I cleaned the bathroom, Then took out all the light bulbs and washed them off to get all the dust off, now I'm cleaning my room and I know for a fact that when I finally get around to cleaning and organizing my room it clears my head and makes me want to write. I'm Writing this one book I hope to publish this year. I started it recently, its about a pregnant teenager that loses the baby in a dramatic way and nobody at school really cares, she isn't the main character though, The main character is Charlie. He finds her in the bathroom at the community centrer covered in blood. He calls the ambulance and that's when they realize the baby has been dead for weeks. The girls family kicked her out so she was living in her car. When the baby dies she goes into a slight depression and takes up charlies offer to help. She stays in his guest room and then they fall in love. :) Its definitely a teenage romance but I think its just the thing to get my foot in the door. I would post chapters here because nobody reads this blog, but I don't want to take the chances of copy write. ANYWAY. as i was saying earlier, I'm home alone and  think ill catch the bus downtown to go to the dollar store for some candles and incense, then head to the library for a good book. I feel happy and Independent. Ill post sometime soon, Bye. 

No boy has ever given my flowers before, on the 18th it was kevin and my ten month anniversaries. I was working at samurai sushi and he shows up with a HUGE bouquet of white lillies. I almost cried, all the customers whooted and the kitchen staff cheerd us on. I went outside to him and gave him a huge love hug. I think its true what they say about young love being stronger then the rest because everyone in the kitchen thought it was funny how i reacted so nicely to the flowers and how we even celebrate month anniversaries i think thats just because we both have never made it to a year yet with anyone. I love kevin so much, i don't know why but for my birthday he gave me 14 carrot white diamond earnings and the flowers made me happier, don't get my wrong i wear those earnings everyday. I love you baby, thanks so much. 

This was the weirdest day, i was at my friend amys farm and i climbed in with her sheep and they all started Smelling me. All i could feel was sheep breath ahhha

Today I awoke at 2:00 pm. I have to get my wisdom teeth out tomorrow and i need an IV to be sedated. I am not looking forward to  this at all. Though in august i plan to go to my lake with my dad. My step mom julie will stay to look after the farm with my favorite dog and we will bring price, the yellow lab we inherited when my grandfather died. Prince is great, i just don't have as good of a connection with him then jackson..though any dog is better then no dog. I miss them both soo much :(
Even though i miss the farm, and the animals... I do not miss living there. My dad will never change, it kinda scares me to go with him alone to the lake, I hope he doesn't get high again or if he does he leaves me alone. The drinking i should be used to by now. its just not fair. I am not a selfish girl, I just ask for my father to put me first once in a while. Is it right that he my step mom before me? Wow I need a hug.
Its been hard growing up, maybe a little too fast. I am 17 and I know what I want out of this life and i know how to get it. I learned the hard way that adults do not always know what's best. They are just over grown teenagers not affected by the rules. My mom told me when i was little that i could come to her with anything. So i came to her about sex and she says TOO MUCH INFORMATION! My dad told me he would always be there to protect me. I don't think either parent really registers that kids take that literally.
My dad wasn't there the night my uncle molested me, he was passed out upstairs. I hope i remember this when i have kids.




(this is prince) I swear this dog is half person..just look at him. His personality is humble..i don't get it :)

I have no idea why i do this..but any time im on Facebook i always end up looking at really hot girls and wishing i was skinnier. I was about in tears when i came across  this video and it made me so happy. She is so strong and happy. I don't understand why society manipulates the young girls eyes to see what they will look like when they are older, and they then think some things wrong because they don't end up with that certain beauty and they don't understand why they didn't get it but other girls did...Its not just fake..there are perfect girls out there..i have friends that are perfect. (super nice, hot, skinny, funny, considerate, Beautiful, kind, outgoing, ect) anyway this video made my day... :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YsHmUAmS5HU&feature=share

and this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ei6JvK0W60I

Dear Jackson, I miss you all the time. Its not fair that I moved. I made your name the password for my everything..I miss going for walks on the beach and cuddling at night...You always know when I'm sad and your always there to make me happy.  (is this creepy? its okay though because Jackson is my Black Lab dog ) lol!

Fact: when you dream your brain cannot make up faces. Therefore if there are people in you're dreams that you don't recognize, you have seen them before even if you don't know it.
Fact: Cuddling is highly efficient at reducing the effects of stress.
Fact: research suggests that laziness is just a natural part of being a teenager and doesn't reflect bad behaviour.
Fact: when a male honey bee climaxes during sex, his testicles explode and he dies
Fact: On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year. 
Fact: The chances of you dying on the way to get your lottery tickets is greater than your chances of winning.
Fact: A frightened dog will put its tail between his legs because it cuts off the sent glands in its anal region which a very vulnerable part of the anatomy. Since the anal glands carry personal scents that identify the individual dogs, the tail between the legs action is the dog’s equivalent of insecure humans hiding their faces.
Facts: Three dogs survived the sinking of the Titanic

Fact: princess Diana had her navel pierced-and fitted with a 2.8-carat diamond stud-just a few hours before her fatal accident.

Fact: the lion used in the original MGM movie logo killed its trainer and two assistants the day after the logo was filmed

.

Fact: One out of 20 people have an extra rib.

Fact: Humans are born with 300 bones in their body, however when a person reaches adulthood they only have 206 bones. This occurs because many of them join together to make a single bone

Fact: No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times

Fact: The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar an England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes

Fact: Emu's cannot walk backwards

Fact: Some octopuses have been known to eat their arms off when they are exposed to stressful situations

Fact: An armadillo can walk under water. 

Today is honestly more bland than the weather. Its so sunny out and i am still in my underwear... I should be out at the lake on Bowen with my friends. I should be at some pool party. I don't like it here (i moved in with my mom) and I have two jobs now so i don't have the time to see my old friends. I haven't seen them in a year and I'm beginning to think they have forgotten about me. :(